Blogging

Blogging - (one of) the best things that has happened to me.
Wouldn't it be fun to meet blog friends in real life? - See post by the Hip Hop Grandmom.

On procrastination

Even the most disorganized person would agree that there is a lot of merit in organizing oneself. I am myself a very unorganized person (Hey! what is the difference between unorganized and disorganized?) and have felt that I could be more productive (efficient, if not productive) if I were more organized. While this was just a feeling I really did not have any articulated proof, which of course set me thinking.

Does planning / being organized help one to be more efficient?
If it does, how?
Why am I not more organized?

Intuitively it is obvious that planning would help one to be more efficient, so rather than waste my effort in conducting an experiment to prove it, I took that as the basic premise. Now the second question - how does planning help?

Of course, we have enough real life examples to substantiate this; lets take a simple case:

If I want to write a letter, if the postcard/envelope/stationary were readily available at a specific place then the task of writing a letter becomes that much easier than having to get together all the required stuff before actually starting the task. So an unorganized person has the additional preparatory task of getting the environment right before even commencing the work!
Now comes the actual task of writing - one needs to have the contents of the letter well organized in one's mind before being able to put it down on paper, which means that there would be atleast a couple of rough drafts before we get to express ourselves correctly. One can also settle for an overly over-written letter with scratches and scrawls. Of course in today's world with the computer at hand this task has become much easier and hence we have more people corresponding through emails, blogs and a variety of other formats.

Just a simple task of writing a letter shows that being organized both physically and mentally is required to achieve the objective. Just imagine the perils to which a letter written by an unorganized person is subject to! It is more likely to die a premature death than reach the intended person. So the next time round when you run into the intended receiver, imagine having to sheepishly say, "Oh, I did so much want to write to you, but I couldn't find my pen". The point here is that being unorganized also leads to procrastination.

Now why would an intelligent person like I be unorganized? Why can't I be more organized? That is a good question.

Hypnagogia

I was in a hypnagogicor hypnopompic state today morning (4.30 am). Had clarity of thought with obvious solutions to problems - I was able to view everything with remarkable clarity.

Emotionally I feel stable and my mood is positive. Is this positive phase of an oscillating rhythm?

SO called in the morning to inquire about my cold - she IS trying.

Things that bother me ...

There are certain things which bother me wrt SO. Probably in the normal course of things these things wouldn't bother me as much, but given the fragile nature of our relationship, it does.

SO has installed (some time ago) a compressor pump in the borewell in her farm. She's calling her sister to operate (inaugurate) the pump the first time. There's nothing wrong with any of this, but it bothers me that I was given this update only as an aside. It makes me feel left out. Sharing of events etc has become nil. :|

Melancholic - not depressed.

Received a call from SO today. She inquired about Klinjo - it was a happy mood. I then told her about her trading account and said she could withdraw the money, if she desired. I actually expected her to ask me continue operating the account, but she said that she'll withdraw the money and prefer to close the account - I was disappointed.

Status update

The last few days since the last post have been uneventful wrt to mood. Today evening (6.20) I sent SO an sms asking her to call when free, but till now there has been no call. :( Feeling let down.

Still upbeat

Went out with the Sgr team - visited all the gardens on the boulevard.
It has been very cold recently, last night it touched 0°C, now it is 3°C. Billy is now sleeping with me - keeps one warm.
Mood still upbeat despite a severe cold. May Allah give me the strength to carry on as now.

Events and emotions

I had a theory that depressed people would attribute their depression to the nearest external setback that happened and that there were no real link between their mental state and their emotions. However recent events that happened do not point to that. I am upbeat since relations with SO have been on an upswing, despite another unexpected setback that happened recently.

Relief

The relief and peace that I've been having since yesterday evening is unbelievable. Though the medical model for psychiatry believes in giving medication for conditions like depression, external stimuli can have a significant impact on one's mental state. Hence I believe that counselling can be very effective as treatment for depression etc., unless there is an underlying organic cause.

Breakthrough

SO called! after 11 + days and I was TRULY elated. We had a meaningful interchange; no accusations, no emotions running high. SO decided to introspect and get back...
Keeping fingers crossed.
PS: Praying to Anjaneya seems to help.

Day 10

No significant change...

...

Feeling clingy, needy, inadequate, weepy. It seems that I've been like this forever. Will I ever be able to come out of this state? Will it end?

Surprisingly, I'd once thought I would never feel these emotions.

Nearly 48 hrs

It's been nearly 48 hrs since the cut-off. I shall not yield.

Head bath

I had a head bath today with near freezing cold water.

It's over.

Last night I vented my feelings about our relationship to SO. She said that she did not like living with me. When I asked about the reason she said that she'd tell me (in a few days), but not over the phone.